I’ve always thought my life was about music. I always thought that when I get older, my life was going to revolve around music and that would be my career, it would be my strongest part of me and it would be a part of me forever. I thought music was made for me. My first year of high school has made me realize so many things. I gave up almost everything I had to do with music because it was so hard for me to keep up my grades with it in my life. Within my first year of high school I met many people who had this same passion as me. And I saw them work so hard to achieve there goals in performing arts. It made me think I was such a failure. How could they keep school work up, and at the same time get to fulfill their goals at the same time? The only time I had to turn to music was when I was overworked. I was at my weakest point and my only way to feel better was to sing or dance it out. I always did it alone because i am no longer confident with my skills. Meeting all these people seriously made me insecure. I feel like I’m stuck in this shell and I won’t ever be able to break out of it. I feel like I’m at the bottom. I feel like music isn’t right for me and I need to find something else. But what else is there out there for me? My whole life I thought I’d do nothing but performing arts when I grow up. But now I realize that it isn’t right for me. Even without it in my life, my grades are horrible and I don’t understand anything. So if I don’t have other skills, and i don’t even believe in my performing skills anymore. What am I doing with my life? And who am I without music? Who am I going to be? I’m scared to find these answers. I’m scared to face the truth because I know there’s always gonna be someone bigger and better. I’ve been through this my whole life, and I’m too scared to face it. I give up everything. That’s how I’ve always been. If I’m not good enough I give up. And I’m not good enough for anyone. So I give up. But I hope god helps me find myself soon because Im really curious in knowing who I am and what’s my purpose. I ask him every night what my purpose is in life and sometimes I feel like he actually answers back to me because after i asked him last night, my baby cousin came in my room and she laughed. I think he was trying to tell me something because after that I literally cried tears of joy. I go off topic alot in my stories. But it’s okay cause it’s my blog, right? Anyway, god, If you do understand what I’m trying to say can you let me know soon? Cause I’m tired of staying here and wondering what my purpose here is. I’m tired of feeling useless, unwanted, and stupid. I believe that everyone on earth is here because they are important, and they serve a purpose. So what’s mine?